CRA Inc

30 Nov 03 @ 6:57 pm

Managing Anger

We recently conducted a leadership development series on conflict management, and dealing with an angry counterparty was a prominent theme during participant discussions. The fact is that anger can often become an element of conflict, and when it does, it requires management just as surely as does the conflict as a whole.

How to best manage anger? First recognize that anger is an emotional reaction: Whether you believe the other person is justified in becoming angry or not frankly isn’t relevant … you still have an angry person whose reactions you need to manage.

Second, appreciate that people “mirror” emotional responses … if you become angry with an angry party, their anger will only increase.

That said, approaches to managing anger can be direct or indirect, and cooperative or competitive. As such there are four typical approaches:

* A direct, competitive approach, in which you threaten, ridicule, degrade, or put down an angry counterparty.

* An indirect, competitive approach, in which you talk behind the back of, share falsehoods about, sabotage, or cold-shoulder an angry counterparty.

* An indirect, cooperative approach, in which you deny the problem, focus only on the other person’s goal, drop hints about the issue, or just leave an angry counterparty.

* A direct, cooperative approach, in which you exchange information, establish common ground, and empathize with an angry counterparty.

Which is your tendency? They don’t all produce equal results: Research demonstrates that a direct, cooperative approach is most effective in addressing the troublesome issue while preserving your relationship. The bottom line is that while you may at times need to give an angry counterparty some space, ultimately you need to deal with the problem, directly if cooperatively.

posted in category(s): Coaching Points